uncertainty...the unknown

i have a date next week, well a sort of date, a happy hour catch up. should i be doing this? is it too soon? how will i act? what will i say? is there any turning back afterward? i just want john, but it feels like he is gone, no longer mine. it makes me nauseous, it makes my stomach churn, and my heart ache. i am not comfortable, but i need to do this.