questions to john

How are you doing this? What are you doing in your mental/emotional state that seems to make this so easy for you to stomach? Honestly, this physically hurts me and feels paralyzing and I can’t see the way to move forward or move on. I can only speak from my perspective, but it seems like this is all so easy for you, that you aren’t losing sleep, that you don’t hope I’ll contact you or fight yourself to contact me, that you don’t feel like anything is missing, that you don’t ever doubt your decision, that you aren’t missing me or feeling any sort of void without me, that you are able to to allow yourself to be attracted to others and feel ready and open to that. Please, honestly, tell me how you are doing it. Maybe you are feeling one or some of those things, but how are you able to not contact me, not want to talk about it, not feel regret or remorse? I truly want to know because if I can find ANYTHING to do, ANYTHING at all that will make me feel less I am willing to try it. I am not pointing a finger, saying this man clearly has no heart if he doesn’t feel compelled to do these things, I am truly asking how you are doing this.